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Boomstick
Apr 29th, 2011, 08:30 AM
Who do you think would win in a fight Burt vs Mike Ditka??

Second question, Who do you think would win in a fight: Burt vs a hurricane?
nikvoodoo
Apr 29th, 2011, 09:09 AM
why do I feel like we're about to start a Chuck Norris-esque thread about Burt? and why is it that I am perfectly happy to jump onboard for this?

Well obviously Ditka would lose. He'd try to hide behind that 'stash and chin, and Burt would place a bullet right between the two.

Burt would see a hurricane coming, and growl. The hurricane would immediately downgrade to a gentle breeze out of fear.
mem
Apr 29th, 2011, 09:10 AM
Burt vs Oprah Winfrey

i'd watch that on ppv
nikvoodoo
Apr 29th, 2011, 09:16 AM
Burt vs Oprah Winfrey

i'd watch that on ppv

Oprah would get Burt to open up and show his true inner self, but the sheer magnitude and power of his true emotions would melt her face and her whole audience would give Burt a new car.
Pteranodon
Apr 29th, 2011, 09:22 AM
Burt vs War (of the 4 Horsemen).....oh wait, technically he's already fighting Pestilence
Boomstick
Apr 29th, 2011, 09:23 AM
why do I feel like we're about to start a Chuck Norris-esque thread about Burt? and why is it that I am perfectly happy to jump onboard for this?

Well obviously Ditka would lose. He'd try to hide behind that 'stash and chin, and Burt would place a bullet right between the two.

Burt would see a hurricane coming, and growl. The hurricane would immediately downgrade to a gentle breeze out of fear.

I have to agree with you. I believe that Mike's would try to throw his razor blade stache but Burt's Beard of Steel would easily deflect it. Then Burt would purposefully tear up and load Shirley with his tears and should Ditka in his now exposed face. Exploding his skull.
I believe in Burt vs the hurricane, Burt would just be doing his normal routine and once the hurricane caught sight of Burt it would be like "Fuck that" and do a 180 and head the other way.
Rock Daddy
Apr 29th, 2011, 09:25 AM
Wow. Nice one. How 'bout Burt versus a charging wooly rhino?
nikvoodoo
Apr 29th, 2011, 09:25 AM
Trick question: Burt is the embodiment of all four of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse. ;) <br />
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Burt would charge the Rhino and they would bash skulls. The Rhino would crap its horn out from the...
Boomstick
Apr 29th, 2011, 09:28 AM
Oprah would get Burt to open up and show his true inner self, but the sheer magnitude and power of his true emotions would melt her face and her whole audience would give Burt a new car.

That new car would be a Masarati
Rock Daddy
Apr 29th, 2011, 09:34 AM
Burt vs. Tyrannosaurs Rex

Burt would allow himself to be eaten and then rip apart the T-Rex's intestines, spewing himself back out. after the T-Rex collapses in writhing agony, Burt will grab it's muzzle, and snap it's neck. And for the cherry on top, he will crap down it's throat.
cycogod
Apr 29th, 2011, 12:28 PM
Burt vs Playstation Network security
cycogod
Apr 29th, 2011, 12:28 PM
Burt vs the Moon
Mikeyd2tall
Apr 29th, 2011, 12:51 PM
Burt vs the Moon
burt. DUH
Rock Daddy
Apr 29th, 2011, 12:52 PM
Burt vs the Moon

Burt would send round from Shirley into a passing meteor, changing its trajectory and sending it straight into the face of the moon, giving it a gaping crater of a black eye. That'll teach 'im to stare at Burt.
nikvoodoo
Apr 29th, 2011, 12:54 PM
Burt vs Playstation Network security
If I'm not mistaken, we just experienced what happens when Playstation fucks with Burt.
HardKor
Apr 29th, 2011, 12:56 PM
I got one:
Burt vs. Brock Samson
Ra1th
Apr 29th, 2011, 02:22 PM
Burt vs The one with the markings
nikvoodoo
Apr 29th, 2011, 02:26 PM
Burt vs The one with the markings

Burt turns and fires a shot from shirley in the opposite direction. Towtm laughs until that round hits him in the back of the head having traveled around the world.


I got one:
Burt vs. Brock Samson

Brock and Burt have a growl off and Burt's growl is so low and intense Brock's internal organs liquify.


Burt vs a Blender
TCM Revolver
Apr 29th, 2011, 03:16 PM
Burt turns and fires a shot from shirley in the opposite direction. Towtm laughs until that round hits him in the back of the head having traveled around the world.



Brock and Burt have a growl off and Burt's growl is so low and intense Brock's internal organs liquify.


Burt vs a Blender

Burt reaches in while the blender is on high. The blades snap and get caught in the motor causing a fire. Burt lights a cigar from the flames.

Burt v. King Kong
nikvoodoo
Apr 29th, 2011, 09:39 PM
Burt v. King Kong

Burt stands at the base of the Empire State Building and growls "Get down here now, and I'll let you walk away" and Kong does so but not fast enough for Burt's liking so he shoots off both of Kong's testicles with one shot from Shirley.

Burt vs. Man-Bear-Pig
TCM Revolver
Apr 30th, 2011, 10:08 AM
Burt stands at the base of the Empire State Building and growls "Get down here now, and I'll let you walk away" and Kong does so but not fast enough for Burt's liking so he shoots off both of Kong's testicles with one shot from Shirley.

Burt vs. Man-Bear-Pig


Burt climbs into Al Gore's head. Tears Man-bear-pig into 3 equal parts. He Shoots the Human part with Shirley, Wrestles the bear part until it dies from exhaustion and barbeque's the pig part. Food problem for the tower is solved for one night.

Burt v. Mother Theresa
cycogod
Apr 30th, 2011, 11:15 AM
If I'm not mistaken, we just experienced what happens when Playstation fucks with Burt.

Burt slapped the taste out dey mouth..

Burt vs Mech-Godzilla?
mem
May 1st, 2011, 01:34 PM
Burt vs a Burt Dopplganger
nikvoodoo
May 1st, 2011, 10:25 PM
Uh oh......Burt found Osama Bin Laden.....

Burt v. Mother Theresa
Burt lobbies against her sainthood and not only convinces The Church that he's right, he also convinces them to switch from sacrificial wine to whiskey.

Burt v. Mech-Godzilla
Burt shows Mech-Godzilla the Godzilla 2000 movie and Mech-zilla kills itself out of depression. Burt teabags it's head as it dies.

Burt v. Doppleganger
It would come to one of those classic standoffs where you hold the gun but instead of saying shoot the other one, they both say shoot me. You shoot them both, but only one of them gets tickled. That's your man.
Boomstick
May 2nd, 2011, 06:38 AM
ok Ive got another one:
Burt on the phone talking to his cable provider disputing his bill. Burt vs. Call Center guy.
mem
May 2nd, 2011, 06:51 AM
ok Ive got another one:
Burt on the phone talking to his cable provider disputing his bill. Burt vs. Call Center guy.

Burt vs Peggy on the discover card commercials
http://viad.tv/img/2010/10/Discover-Card-Peggy-Customer-Service-Annual-Fee.jpg
nikvoodoo
May 2nd, 2011, 08:13 PM
ok Ive got another one:
Burt on the phone talking to his cable provider disputing his bill. Burt vs. Call Center guy.
Burt would fire a round from Shirley into the receiver and the bullet would materialize in the Call Center Guy's ear.


Burt vs Peggy on the discover card commercials
http://viad.tv/img/2010/10/Discover-Card-Peggy-Customer-Service-Annual-Fee.jpg

Burt finds the shack in Siberia that Peggy is hiding in and shoots him in the head. Before leaving he says "I guess it didn't pay to Discover".......

ok that last one was lame. Someone make it better.
shadow
May 2nd, 2011, 09:20 PM
Ok how about Burt vs. Rambo
Re1ndeer
May 2nd, 2011, 09:31 PM
Burt kills Rambo with Rambo's own knife.

Burt Vs. Chewbacca
shadow
May 2nd, 2011, 10:05 PM
Burt being soft for small and furrow animals, convinces the ewoks to take care of his light work, and re smash the at at with two tree trunks. Burt doesn't even gets his hands dirty
shadow
May 2nd, 2011, 10:06 PM
Burt vs Bruce lee
Boomstick
May 3rd, 2011, 06:59 AM
"I guess it didn't pay to Discover".......

.

I think you hit the nail on the head. That sounds like a Stallone quote from Cobra or another 80s action movie. I believe that Burt is a huge 80s Action film fan. He also likes Kung-fu movies and drinks straight gasoline for breakfast.
nikvoodoo
May 3rd, 2011, 07:52 AM
Burt vs Bruce lee

Bruce punches Burt in the beard and it immediately breaks his hand. Burt hocks a loogie and spits it through Bruce's face, killing him instantly.
Rock Daddy
May 3rd, 2011, 01:13 PM
Burt vs. Wolverine
Wicked Sid
May 3rd, 2011, 02:56 PM
Burt vs. Wolverine

Burt would first go kill Magneto, steal his arms and subsequently use their powers of magnetism to tear Wolverine apart over and over again as he heals himself. Condemning Wolverine to a life of infinite torture.

Burt vs. Cthulhu.
shadow
May 3rd, 2011, 06:26 PM
burt uses cthulhu's own tentacles to hog tie him and then make sure he is dead and not dreaming in his city of r'lylah


burt vs the volcano lol
Snickelsox
May 3rd, 2011, 08:36 PM
Burt vs Burt
"If I'm not mistaken I think the entire earth was destroyed"- Muppets maybe? OH!

Burt vs Kermit the Frog? Could they even be enemies?
Pikepaw
May 3rd, 2011, 09:05 PM
Burt vs the Volcano...he would use the Volcano as his hot tub and ask someone to turn up the heat.

Burt Vs Kermit, I'd love to hear Burt say, "frog's legs anyone?"
Burt would show Kermit exactly how not easy being green really is.

Burt vs a Jedi
shadow
May 3rd, 2011, 10:29 PM
A light saber is no defense against a Shirley wielding burt. Burt shoots the light saber right outta their hands, then they kneel and say master.



Burt vs Sasquatch
Rock Daddy
May 4th, 2011, 10:12 AM
Burt vs Sasquatch

Burt would strip himself of all material possessions, save for a loincloth and Shirley with one bullet. He would then live in the wilderness for months, tracking the elusive beast in his own habitat. Then, with the perfect culmination of all the necessary circumstances, they will meet, and a short-lived battle will ensue, whereas Burt will place Shirley's round directly between Sasquatch's eyes. The beast will fall to the earth with a mighty quake. And from that moment on, hikers will report the legend of the bearded buddha-bellied Burt. An unstoppable creature, that wanders the woods, waiting for a worthy challenger.

Burt vs. Mega Man
nikvoodoo
May 5th, 2011, 03:00 PM
Burt vs. Mega Man

Burt would play the power up music from the end of a stage and Mega Man would be forced to strike a pose and not move as Burt puts Shirley against his head and pulls the trigger.

Burt vs. The Dog Whisperer
WestonWisdom
May 5th, 2011, 03:04 PM
Burt would play the power up music from the end of a stage and Mega Man would be forced to strike a pose and not move as Burt puts Shirley against his head and pulls the trigger.

Burt vs. The Dog Whisperer

Shirley doesn't have enough ammo capacity to take down thousands of charging dogs. Seriously, the television show paints the dog whisperer as a pacifist, nice guy, but do you really think he always uses those powers for good?

With great power comes great responsibility, responsibility that the dog whisperer can't handle, turning him to the doggy dark side.

The Dog Whisper Vs. Lady
nikvoodoo
May 5th, 2011, 03:25 PM
Lady eats Cesar's throat out and revives Burt so this thread can continue in it's traditional Chuck Norris Fact manner.

Burt vs. Steve Jobs
WestonWisdom
May 5th, 2011, 03:33 PM
Steve Jobs? The man would revise his tactics as often as he revises his hardware. This would appear to be a good thing, If Burt wasn't such a good shot no matter what the circumstances.

Steve Jobs seems invincible, having created a wall of Macs, IPhones and Ipads around his stronghold, This doesn't phase Burt though, he has no use for technology after that whole Y2K thing, He promptly reloads Shirley, and aims a single bullet at the "stalk" of the apple on the Iphone 27 that rests in front of Steve Jobs's head, Of course, this penetrates the "helicopter" glass on the Iphone, killing Steve Jobs without any effort.

Burt Vs. Darth Maul
(I haven't read the thread, if thats been suggested, sorry)
TCM Revolver
May 5th, 2011, 04:41 PM
(Burt Fun Fact: He created the force.) After finding Darth Maul cut in half by Obi, Burt tediously sows Maul back together. Nurses him back to health. Then when Maul is ready to track down Obi, Burt uses the force to rip Mauls spine out Mortal Kombat Style. Toasty!!

Burt v. Megatron
WestonWisdom
May 6th, 2011, 11:57 AM
(Burt Fun Fact: He created the force.) After finding Darth Maul cut in half by Obi, Burt tediously sows Maul back together. Nurses him back to health. Then when Maul is ready to track down Obi, Burt uses the force to rip Mauls spine out Mortal Kombat Style. Toasty!!

Burt v. Megatron

Burt, after wasting his entire clip on Shia "The Beef" just for the hell of it, merely throws Shirley at Megatron's head, decapitating him with ease, remarking that if "that hunk of junk" had brought his "shit for brains" friends, it might have been a fair fight.

Burt Vs. The Giant Squid AND Megashark.
Pikepaw
May 6th, 2011, 12:03 PM
Burt would grab The Giant Squid by the tentacles, whip it around his head and throw it into Megashark's mouth. Then, with them both lined up for him, he fires only one bullet that goes through both of their brains. His Shirley ammo is too valuable to use two rounds for those two lesser beings

Burt vs Mr T
cupcakezombie
May 10th, 2011, 03:23 PM
Burt would grab one of the gold neclaces from around Mr T's neck, form it into a bullet with his bare hands. He would load it into Shirley and shoot Mr T with it.

Burt vs Chuck Norris
cycogod
May 10th, 2011, 05:20 PM
which chuck norris ? the young "shaved" chuck from way of the dragon ? middle-age chuck from silent rage or the old chuck, either way chuck suks. burt easy


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-eKHVqK4q4
Rock Daddy
May 19th, 2011, 06:25 AM
Burt vs a Squirrel in the pants
http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/commercials/Superbowl_03_Trident_Squirrels_Nuts/#26261
nikvoodoo
Jan 12th, 2012, 06:39 PM
I cannot believe we let this thread die.......

Burt need not even get involved. He's got a something else in his pants that will easily dispatch a pesky squirrel.

Burt Vs. Bruce Lee
Wicked Sid
Jan 12th, 2012, 06:58 PM
This is just because I'm lazy.

"Bruce punches Burt in the beard and it immediately breaks his hand. Burt hocks a loogie and spits it through Bruce's face, killing him instantly."

-Nikvoodoo

Burt vs. The 'Michael is Soo Tough thread'
Pikepaw
Jan 13th, 2012, 07:28 AM
Burt scoffs at the thread and takes away leadership from Michael again

Burt vs Muhammad Ali (the boxer, not any other one)
Grognaurd
Jan 13th, 2012, 11:26 AM
Wait, I got it!

Steven vs. Burt

First hit: Burt's Fist to Steven's face.
Second hit: Steven's butt hit the floor

Steven wakes up. "What happened?
Burt, "I hit you"
Steven "It hurts"
Burt: "It should"
jusaki
Jan 13th, 2012, 07:35 PM
heh what about burt vs blue waffle.
nikvoodoo
Jan 14th, 2012, 03:07 AM
First that canadian's: Ali is talking all kinds of crap saying they're going to rumble, he's gonna kill him, he floats like a.....Burt cuts him off with shirley and walks away.

jusaki: Burt growl has been scientifically proven to contain enough healing power to cure any disease..but what will you do for him first?

Burt vs Father Time
Wicked Sid
Jan 14th, 2012, 02:20 PM
First, Burt rips a hole in the fabric of Time by curving one of Shirley's bullets around the Earth, then he shoots another in the opposite direction, as they move to crash he sticks his beard in the way of both sacrificing one of his skin cells to unbalance the temporal field, exposing Father Time's evil lair. As he saunters slowly into the cold, bright void, a slight wobble in space is noticed. Burt throws a brick of C4 into it and it explodes, ripping Father Time from his chair of beard.

"It has come to this, huh?" Father Tome inquires as Burt spin kicks his way to Father Time's face, shredding his glorious beard from his face.

Father Time is now Young Adult Time.

Burt then fires but three rounds into his kneecaps, removing 2 feet of height from Young Adult Time's gangly frame, effectively changing him into Pre-Teen Time.

Burt grabs Pre-Teen Time's MC Hammer-esque clock necklace and turns it back 1 hour.

As Pre-Teen Time is reverting to Baby Time, Burt reflects. Thinking on what he's done, he felts regret, picks up Baby Time, takes him through the temporal rift and raises Baby Time as one of his Minions.

Burt vs. Kc Wayland